Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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