Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Randomize
