in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
