This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize