Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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