areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Everclear isn't food dammit
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
