How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Randomize
