I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize
