She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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