If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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