p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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