he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
