Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
