Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Randomize