Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
