gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize