I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
