i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
