my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize