Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Everclear isn't food dammit
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
