Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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