She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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