Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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