I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Randomize
