***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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