You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
