i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
did i just pee glitter
You ruined the universe
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
