I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
If I die, sorry about rent.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
