the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
