"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
