Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
