its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
You were trust falling into bushes
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
