I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
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