You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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