During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
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