He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
