just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
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