I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
