I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
