omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
