my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
