Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
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