I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
you have to choose: penises or morals?
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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