my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
