Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
