I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
My breasts were aching with rage.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
