Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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