I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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