I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
