She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Randomize
