yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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