I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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