The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Randomize
