Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
my shit smells like andre
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
