I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
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