I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
