I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
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