Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
