Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
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