have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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