my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
the condom got lost in my hair
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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