Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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