Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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