Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
