She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Randomize
