Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
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