If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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