elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
