meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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