Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
