capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
