Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
