Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
My vagina just recognized that song.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
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