Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Randomize
